i want to give up on a lot of things.

i'm digging a hole that i'm sure i won't be able to get out of. it's killing me to know what i should do and not do it. but then again, i guess it's not about knowing what you should do but actually wanting to do it.

if i were a little braver, i would do what i want to do. i would stop digging this hole. i would stop blaming myself for the things that happened and never happened. i would stop thinking that i should just go for what is already here. i would stop heading down "a bad path." i would not be afraid of consequences.

i'd like to think i'm recovering, but i guess i'm not. i'm still heading down "a bad path." i still can't do things right. i'm going backasswards. all i want is a fresh start. if i could, i'd go back to where i was and try to do things right. i'm living in the past, and this isn't really working. and i'm afraid of what will come.