last night i finished reading Eleven Minutes. what can i say? it's a very dense book. but some things nearly killed me.

first of all, the main character gets dumped because she refuses to hook up with this guy. "don't you want to?" you kinda feel bad for her because i guess you know she's blinded and thinks the guy is totally in love with her (or at the very least likes her one tiny bit) but really all she is some kind of hole. i think what sucks more is that you know this kind of thing happens in real life. what can you do though? some people are just mean and will use you for all your worth then leave you hanging when things start to go bad, when accidents start happening, they don't really want you anymore. but on the brighter side of things, it's never too late to walk away. because the sooner you go on your own way, you become a better person, with more self-worth hopefully.

so then she goes and dates around hoping she'll find love. she doesn't. she goes on vacation then is scouted by this Swiss guy. she goes off to Switzerland thinking she'll find love there. she ends up a dancer at a cabaret then becomes a prostitute. tough luck! i nearly cried but it's funny how she talks about being a whore. she says it's just like any kind of job. you go and get paid for your services. i swear it's too funny. then she also says as long as you don't let love interfere with your job, your dreams, your goals, etc you'll be okay. then she goes talking crap about her clients saying their wives/girlfriends won't even get them laid so they go pay for it, their penises so small, they're so vulnerable that they'll believe anything she says. so i guess the lesson here is that don't go pay for something that you can get for free. then hope your girlfriend/wife won't talk shit behind your back. be nice.

hundreds of clients later (3 clients per night, 6 nights per week, for nearly a year minus the days when hooking up isn't really an option), she meets this super famous painter guy. she thinks she likes him. he likes her a lot even though she's a whore and all that. he tells her he wants to learn how it works. sex, he means. he says he's not interested in it anymore, blah blah blah. yeah right, not interested, my ass. anyways, thats what he tells her. but you should know that they end up hooking up and together forever and ever and ever and ever. haha. thats what i think anyway.

but that's just all the shallow things that i thought were super funny. you really have to read it to understand what i'm saying.

kidding aside, the book taught me some things i didn't know before and explained so many things that i wouldn't dare ask anyone.

it talks about desire and what draws us to another person. it says that desire doesn't come from what you already see but from what you imagine things are. i think this is both good and bad. it's good because when you want something so bad (hence, desire), you don't really care what you see because you know there's more to what is already there. sometimes you search for it. you try to see the good in people, their hopes and dreams, and you secretly wish you were also a part of it. you ignore what is obvious, what your friends tell you, what they think of this special person. because you know that beneath all that there's this sensitive person who understands you and care about you but is afraid of showing it. after all, meanness is only skin deep, right? people are mean because they're either super scared or want you to think that they're tough and can protect you from the world. you imagine them like this and you like them more and more and endlessly more. but then this is also bad because what if there's nothing more beyond what you see but meanness? then you end up disappointed. and sad. and broken. and you feel like you've been cheated on.

the other thing i learned is that you really have to know when to stop. that there's a limit to everything you do. this is important because it's one way to keep your head in check and make sure you're not going crazy. when you see yourself falling apart, you stop what you're doing and change your ways. i learned this the hard way. man, sometimes you wonder what just happened.