today Starfish told me that she picked out a song to play at my funeral. i don't really know if it's time to start getting ready, but who knows. anything could happen. it could happen tomorrow. or tonight.

i suddenly found myself asking, what if i died tomorrow (or today), would i have any regrets? i guess i could say that i would probably regret the following:

• not fixing my messed up relationship with Secret Life. go ahead and tell me this is stupid, but he and i had a good run, and i would very much like to tell him that i was never mad at him despite what he always believed. the truth is, i couldn't ever get mad at him because he had made me happy.
• not being ballsy enough to be friendly with Number Three. he's one of the most interesting people i've ever met, so what's keeping me from chatting him up? i don't know.
• and of course, there are the obvious ones: not telling the people i care about how much i care about them (although this really should be shown, not told), not being able to move out of the parentals' house, not falling in love.

but then again, when you're dead, how do you know there are things that you failed to do and want to do? i doubt that you'll even know that you just died. i think that once you're gone, you're gone, even your senses and thoughts are also gone. so ultimately, i guess when i die, i won't regret anything at all. because i won't even know.