this is so weird.

Friday, February 2, 2007
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You may desire the security of a personal relationship now, yet you're unwilling to give up your freedom. You are quick to forgive others if it helps you get what you want, but forgiving them is different than forgetting about your sacrifice. Your emotions are close to the surface, so count to ten before you say anything or your intensity might overwhelm someone and get you into trouble.

how much more accurate could this horoscope get? i swear i didn't make it up.

when winter quarter started, i thought it was all over, but now it's coming back. and i can't stop it. i was doing okay before it all started again, and now i feel like i'm digging my own hole and one day i'll never get out. if i go on with this, i still want to be sure that when i do want to get out, i'll be able to. what i don't understand is that i can't keep it from happening. here i go again, setting myself up for what can be a bigger disappointment.

it's sad how i'm at it again, but every time i remember the things that happened last year, i still get hurt. sometimes it hurts so bad that i actually feel physical pain in my heart. then, when the pain is gone, i go back to thinking how lucky i am that i somehow still have this kind of life. then when i finally convince myself that it's okay because we're sort of starting over anyway, all the hostile words begin to fill my head again and i start hurting. i hurt more each time. and it's sad that it's not just emotional pain. it's also physical pain. i don't know why it's like that. but i suddenly feel these sudden, heavy blows in my heart. the cycle never stops. call me stupid, but if there was anything i could do to stop it, i would do it.

i don't think i'll ever forget the things that were said. maybe that's exactly what's keeping me bound to what i used to have and now i'm unconsciously trying to get it back. and i know that what happened before can happen again. when it does, i'd like to be able to handle it differently. now i should be less attached and don't let my guard down.