winter grades are up. i made a miraculous comeback despite all the drama last quarter.

and now that i'm back in my game, it's making me look back to when i stopped failing and started doing well. at that time i thought i was doing well because of the secret life i had, and when i broke it off, i thought it was also the end of my decent academic life. but now i'm looking at my past grades, and i realize what actually happened was the exact opposite of what i thought was happening.

my secret life began towards the end of fall quarter in '05. i had a 3.5 that quarter. then it went down to a 3.14, then to a 3.1, then towards the end my of secret life, in fall quarter '06, i was hanging on to a 3.0. you don't have to be a math major to realize that it's a downward trend. i guess i was just too caught up with everything that was happening, and i was having a lot of fun that i kept finding positive reasons for why i should keep my secret life. i wouldn't say it was a hindrance, but it would be wrong to think it kept my grades up. it actually brought them down.

and now it's done and over with, i have no more secrets, my grades are going back up. well, i didn't get a 3.5 this quarter, but i certainly did better compared to the last 3 quarters, when i was at the height of my secret life. and i'm happy to say i did it on my own despite all the drama i had to deal with.

it's funny how sometimes we're blinded by the things that we enjoy so much. we get so caught up in that one thing, and our perception of reality becomes obscured. we try to find reasons and excuses so we won't have to let go of the things that are actually bringing us down because we like them so much. but once we finally convince ourselves that it's okay to let go, to take that risk even to the point of losing a good friend, we regain consciousness and see what is real, not just what we want to be real.

in the end, though, if that thing is really meant for us, it will find its way back, but this time we're not blind anymore, and we get to enjoy it without letting it rule the way we live our lives.