most of the time we ask ourselves, where is my life taking me, what am i going to do next, what is the meaning of life.

but a lot of times, i find myself asking, where has my life gone? how did i get here? one minute i was on spring break, then it was the end of week 1 before i even took my next breath.

i remember being happy some time ago, but now i feel like i'm surrounded by sad people. it seems that everybody i'm close to is sad, and i can't help them. i feel so helpless that i'm starting to feel sad too. i just can't be sad all the way because i don't know exactly what is there to make me sad. all i know is i'm starting to feel how other people feel. it sucks that i don't even have my own feelings anymore.

and i want to be happy. but i guess it's not possible when the people you care about so much are being swallowed by their own sadness. and it's so hard to just go on and look for my own happiness because i feel like i'm being weighed down.

and so now i wonder, what happened? where did the happiness go? what did i get out of it? was it even real?

at times like this is when i truly appreciate my ex-secret life. at least back then i had something to look forward to. and i regret not letting it grow. i guess i was just too scared to be too close to another person. i still can't explain why, but i hope he knows i regret not giving him a chance.

so i think this whole thing about everybody being sad is really more about me than them. their sadness reminds me of my own regrets and lack of reason to be happy.