i used to think that i was being mean every time i made excuses to not hang out. i didn't do it to be mean though. i promise. i just thought that it had to be convenient for me so i'd go and hang out. i mean, i wouldn't break my neck or bend over backwards just to hang out. but i swear i didn't want to be mean.

i used to think it was very irrational. i'd say i was lazy or tired or lacking sleep. we all know i could go on about an hour of sleep if i tried. the problem was i just didn't want to make an effort to hang out. i couldn't explain why. all i knew was i just didn't want to do it.

but today it somehow made sense. i chatted with my boss while we were driving around the city to look at his project sites. i don't remember how it came up but he started talking about how he was glad that his girlfriend decided to stay in san diego to work (she went to sd state and recently graduated) and not move in with him. according to him, her decision to do that shows how smart she is and that she cares about herself and puts herself above all else (i.e. love etc). and you could tell my boss was being sincere when he said it. like he really meant it. he said that it's important to prioritize yourself first and not give anything up for your girlfriend/boyfriend because this kind of relationship is temporary and that there's still a big chance that you'll break up eventually. if you move in with your bf/gf and make your career path curve around it, you'll end up with a job you probably hate, and when you break up, you'll regret the move and hate your job even more and you end up a loser.

and so now, i'd like to adapt my boss's idea to explain why i made those excuses in the past. i guess i just didn't want to interrupt my life just because some great guy came along. and now i'm convinced it wasn't a wrong decision every time i said i was lazy or tired or lacking sleep. nothing came out of it, and i'm glad it happened the way it did because at least now i don't have any regrets.