man, exactly 2 months before my birthday. i'm borderline scared for my liver. but more importantly, this fourth-year senior feeling is finally starting to kick in. i don't know if i'm ready for it.

i'd like to believe that you'll never know what you're gonna do until you actually do it. i'm almost sure i read it from The Catcher in the Rye. but anyway, i try to keep it in mind so i don't panic every time i don't feel ready for something. i mean, there's really no point in being ready if you have no idea what you're gonna do until you do it.

anyway, i learned a couple of things today.

one is that you shouldn't listen to just one person. you have to listen to everybody around you because not one person knows the absolute answer to your questions. life is impossible to engineer so you can't calculate your moves and expect them to converge into the absolute answer. things just happen. and if you're not careful, you get fckd over. the example i thought of 2 seconds ago suddenly doesn't make sense anymore so i'll try to come up with another example and maybe write about it later. so now i'm tweaking my plan a bit. instead of breaking my neck to get a public job sometime next year, i'll sell myself to as many public and private firms out there and then take the best offer. that is, if i get any. i hope do.

another thing i learned is that a grossly written movie can never be a genuinely good movie even if it has a very nice, very sincere meaning to it. just like Knocked Up. it's nice. the main guy seems nice, and he sounds sincere when he tells the main girl that he loves her. but good god, the language is gross, half of the visuals is gross, and i just don't wanna see it ever again. i'm not being immature about it, but i think that if you're gonna make a grossly funny movie, stick to it being gross and funny. i enjoyed Superbad. it's super hilarious and carries no meaning at all besides the fact that life can be fun. that's the kind of movie that's worth watching. it gives you a good laugh, then you move on and maybe one day you'll need another good laugh again. Knocked Up is just weird. what a good waste of my buck-fifty.

maybe i'm just feeling lousy. i only had 1 real meal today so i guess that made me feel a little weird today.