gooood god. i think i need some sleeping pills.

i'm scared of graduation. i'm scared to death. most nights i cry myself to sleep. and when i do get to sleep, i can't stay asleep. i wake up and lay in bed for hours. sometimes i pull my blanket over my head or get my head under my pillow so i won't see anything and pretend i'm still asleep. but it never works. i'm still awake. while i'm wide awake all i think of is that i hope i don't get sick. maybe something big will happen at school and i don't wanna be sick when that happens. i dunno, a big homework or something very important. then, when i'm done thinking about not getting sick, i fall back asleep and by the time i actually need to get up to make something out of my life, i'm too lazy and too tired to get up.

during the day, people comment about me looking tired. and it's mostly true. they probably think i was up all night doing homework. not true. all i really do at night when i'm laying awake in bed is think about me getting sick and hoping to not get sick. and the truth is, i haven't been doing a lot of homework. this quarter feels so chill. and mosallam is being shady. i don't remember materials (that other class he taught last fall) being this chill. i bet he'll wait until 9th week and give us hell. i'm not looking forward to that. but for now, concrete is pretty chill. 3rd homework took about 10 minutes to do. wtf is that?? and no hard homework yet in other classes. it's really shady if you ask me.

i'm not used to this chillness. i feel lazy and useless and unproductive.

but on the brighter side of things, i spent this weekend cleaning my closet. and omg...i found my BCBG watch. yay! i thought i lost it. i spent the last year looking for it. so i guess it wasn't really a bad weekend.

maybe not all the stars in the universe are plotting against me. i have faith in the few good ones.