the reason why i went to Knotts yesterday was because My Little Star thought she was tall enough for Silver Bullet. she wasn't. it was a little sad (but also a little funny) because she kept asking me how to be taller. haha. how very ironic. i said, i don't know...all my friends are taller than me.

but as i watched all those kids working at Knotts, i kept thinking, man, how do you survive on minimum wage these days. but then i also thought, most of them are probably sixteen and live with their parents. because you really can't survive on minimum wage anymore. but the job looked so easy and mindless. you could be half-asleep and still be able to tell people to not take their bags with them in the ride and that the exit is down the stairs wherever. and i sit in my cubicle 40+ hours per week thinking, when will this all end, when will my design finally work?

i think it's very selfish of me to even think that. i know i still got the better end of the life spectrum, but when your head is pounding and you don't know what's going to happen next, you can't really avoid thinking that anything would have been better. because it all goes back to the idea that we all want what we can't/don't have. there's really never any contentment. we're just never satisfied. other people always got it better, but never us. it's very selfish if you ask me. i bet you everything i own that those workers at Knotts would be very glad to trade places with me. headaches and everything. agh. so i guess my plan now is just to man up and just accept the headache and all the good things that come with it (i.e. money. hahaha).

and this reminds me of paulo coelho's The Witch of Portobello. it's mainly about following your heart/destiny/whatever to make you feel good about yourself. anyway, the lady main character says something like, you shouldn't strive to find happiness because achieving happiness will mean contentment, and once you're content, you'll stop trying to better yourself and you'll stop living. happiness and contentment are bad because they will stop you from living your life to the fullest.

i always talk about finding happiness and being eternally happy, but it looks like i shouldn't even be trying. so maybe i'll stop trying. happiness can go suck it. because maybe once i find it, it'll end up like everything else i've gotten, unwelcome and unappreciated.