i secretly want to be sent to rehab, except that i'm not addicted to anything. what am i supposed to say? "My name is X, and I'm a Chipotle-holic"? you can't even cure chipotle-ism. they can just keep feeding you all that fatty goodness, but the addiction can't be cured. you only relieve the symptoms.

the reason why i want to get to sent to some form of rehab is because when you're in rehab, people will always tell you, "i support you! you can do it!" and then they go out of their way to check on you and make sure you're on track and rehabing well. plus, you get a long stretch of vacation, and you don't have any obligations, etc. because they'll just want you to focus on the whole rehab thing.

people don't expect anything from you.

and then you get out of rehab, and nothing will still be expected of you. because they'll want you to transition as smoothly as possible. so then you can go on doing whatever.

if i ever got to sent to rehab, i would read all the books on my list and more. i would sleep in, and i would read. a lot. and then i would make spaghetti and cake. and then eat it. share it. with a couple bottles of corona.

so there. it's not a secret anymore.

[this will not be proofread]