i'm wearing two pairs of socks, and i'm still cold.

what i did last night was probably the bravest thing i ever did. i decided i was ready to lose a friend. not just a friend, but more like a good friend. i'm gonna miss you.

i said i couldn't do it anymore. i said i couldn't be his friend. we talked about it before. we both agreed to it. i thought it was pointless to go on. there was no way we could go back to being regular friends, and there was no way we could go beyond being friends with benefits. we were stuck in this limbo of not knowing where else to go, how else to proceed. there was no point in going on because we were not meant to go on.

besides, i was already hurting. it hurt so bad that sometimes i had to drink myself to sleep.

in the past year i learned to like you. i felt things i hadn't felt in so long. and what hurt me the most was that i had all these feelings but i knew we would never be more than what we already were. i was just your friend with benefits. we stopped talking like we used to. all the fun of being friends was sucked out by the physical things. i hated it sometimes. but it was all good. like i said before, my purpose in life is to make other people happy.

just to make everything clear, my decision to end it all was not something i came up with in two seconds. it was a culmination of so many things from the past few weeks. it just sucks that it led to losing a friend. i miss you already. i wish i never had to do this. but it's hurting me. this is the only way i know to make the pain go away. i'm sorry. i just can't get myself to do it again. and i don't want to take back everything that i already said.