i have a little less than hour before wood lecture, and instead of doing some homework, here i am, wasting time again. it's a horrible feeling.

but what can i do? i can't force myself to do homework when i'm not in the mood to do it. the problem with me is, i can't really force myself to do anything even if my life depended on it. there's so many things that i should be doing right now, but i choose to linger and not make any progress.

there's also a lot of things that are just waiting for my decisions, but even though the answers are so obvious and simple, all i do is question them more. i can't give an absolute answer, a yes or a no. to me there's always a middle ground, although in some cases there shouldn't be any. an example would be if i should move back home and live there permanently or just stay here for the rest of my most hated life. i mean, i can't say be here for half a year and be there for the rest of the year. there are other things that should be considered, i.e. job, family, etc. it wouldn't be good to drag my family all over the world the whole year and change jobs at least twice a year. i can't really say move back home halfway because i'd be in the middle of the ocean. but i guess if i choose to live in hawaii, that'd be halfway there. but it wouldn't be the same.

but anyway, i guess what i'm saying is i want to get the hell out of here not because i really really really want to go back home but because i want to avoid the decisions that i know i'll eventually have to make. i don't want to hold people back. i may be very indecisive but not selfish.