you always know when the end of summer is almost here. the crape myrtles are dying, their pink flowers too pale, their leaves closer to brown than green. and when you go out at night, it's not too hot anymore. and your little sisters go back to school and there's more traffic on the 405 in the morning. not that traffic wasn't heavy at all during the summer time. and then you ask yourself, what just happened?

you look back and see that you've built more relationships and then destroyed some. how old bonds seem stronger and new ones aren't really as weak as you initially imagined them would be. because in fact, they don't feel like new at all, like you've had them forever but never really paid attention to and now you want to make up for all the lost time. you tell yourself, if you could go back in time, you'd do it and think it could actually happen. and then there are those that feel distant. you don't really know why, but sometimes when you look them in the eyes (or try to), you don't (or can't) really see them, but you always want to know what's going on. you want to close in on the gap but how? do you beg them? do you try to win them again? or do you just stay where you are and hope they'll come to you?

i don't really know. if i did, there wouldn't be a need for a blog.

but then, you really can't blame the summer for all the destroyed and distant relationships, nor be grateful to it for all the good times. it's just another season, except that the crape myrtles were alive and it was hot even at night and everybody was home from school.